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by Bob Hope

Well, here I am writing about college. College!... that's sleeping sickness with cokes.

Now, don't get me wrong. I really love college. And I went there, too. I can vividly remember my college days... all three of them.

And I would have been a fraternity man, too, but some cad started the rumor that I wore garters.

But if I had it to do over I'd go to college again. In fact, I'd take a special business course with plenty of hours in accounting and statistics. Then I could get a job in Crosby's bank and maybe even get inside that big, green-lined vault.

I've been seeing pretty much of college the last couple of years. You see, I'm on the air every Tuesday night over NBC (Advertisement) and we play several colleges around the country every season.

And the colleges have been awfully nice to me, too. Usually I work on a guarantee.

Like when I played at the University of Southern California the week before the big game with Notre Dame. "If you do well, Mister Hope," the president told me, "I'll guarantee you your choice of tickets for the football game." I thanked him heartily... then he added, "at either end of the field."

Of course, I wouldn't say that football is important at college. But one morning last fall I saw a tackle going to class... and the president of the college was carrying him piggy-back.

And they're really doing a lot of building on the college campuses these days. And they're going up in a hurry, too. On one campus I visited they had built a dormitory so fast that when it was all finished the termites were still in their pajamas.

And I saw another place they put up so quickly even Kilroy hadn't been there. And then I found out why... Richard wouldn't let him in.

I was really a tiger on the gridiron... so the first thing I did when I went back for a visit was to look up my old coach. I walked right into his office, stuck out my hand and said, "Hi, Coach! Well, here I am... the greatest athlete you ever coached."

That stumped him. He didn't say a thing, so I went on: "I had the body of an athlete."

He took one good look, smiled and said, "Well, Hope, you still got the feet."

This made me mad. "What are you talking about?" I asked indignantly. "I used to pose for Atlas pictures, holding the world on my shoulders."

"The globe slipped down a bit didn't it, old boy," he said as he took another look.

But I went right on. "Just picture me as Tarzan, swinging through the trees," I pointed out.

"Please, Hope," he asked, "let's leave your ancestors out of this. So you think you were a football player, huh?"

"Yes sir," I said. And to refresh his memory I asked, "How about the day I made all those long runs???"

He smiled. "Yes, Hope," he said, "that was surely great. You never spilled a drop out of the bucket."

All information and photos from the November 28th 1948 program.

Editor's note: Not a good year for the Steelers, who finished 4-8 and lost this game 17-0.

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